growing up is hard to do.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Did I ever mention to you that I have a very difficult time with change? I'm sure I have, as it takes a major toll on my life. Change gives me the worst anxiety in the world, and none of this came about until I realized I wasn't getting any younger but moving forward in life with responsibilities and making life changing decisions. 

First change set in when Chelsea (furthest left in pink) got married. She was the first of us to go, and we all four bawled like babies. On the way home from her rehearsal dinner, Nik, Marissa and I had a major melt down in the car all by ourselves. It was so sad and pathetic. We were hysterical. That's when we knew things were going to change and this sisterhood of ours was going to meet up with a few forks in the road. 

Then it was Nik's turn to just up and leave us and move to New York City. Don't get me wrong, we were so excited for her success and the fact that she would be able to actually live in the same city as her boyfriend (now fiance') but the selfish side of us was sour and bitter. That whole spring I was filled with anxiety. Back to back with Chelsea moving out and getting married and Nik soon following, I wanted to barf. On the car ride to the air port, me, Nik and Marissa had the same episode as we did the night of Chelly's rehearsal dinner, we wailed like children. It was the most depressing car ride ever. I officially hate airports. Later that night, I sat in my bedroom crying and I could feel a change in the apartment. I could feel the absence of Chelsea and Nik, and it was strange and uncomfortable. That's when I heard a knock on the door and it was Riss, holding her pillows and crying uncontrollably. So we slept in my bed together and cried through out the whole night. 

I'm grateful I was left with Marissa. She is most likely the most stable out of all of us, no offense to the other two, but we can all agree. And so I felt like I was with my older sisters. That was a strange summer, just the two of us, but we managed to have our own bit of fun and make the best of it and soon enough, we were back into our routines and habits and having a joy ride. The nice thing about Chelly getting married and moving out, was that she still lived down the street, only with a boy and not us. So we saw her all of the time which calmed us a bit. But Nik was far far away. 

I was next to go. I spent that whole summer planning my wedding and it was bittersweet because Nik would be coming into town for it, but  I was also leaving Maris and I hated the fact that she'd be alone. Luckily, she had her boyfriend Dan (now fiance') but boys just aren't the same as girls. We all know this. My wedding was such a fun reunion and us girls were out of control and back to our same old ways of getting into trouble, peeing our pants and eating everything in sight. But then I left the party and jumped on board a plane with my now husband. And significantly, things changed. Apparently, after I left, my mom found Chelsea, Nik and Marissa in the brides room crying. And then my mom cried. And that's just how we are. We are more like family, who of course are always happy for one another's  achievements and life changing situations but the selfish collage girls in us just want to be with each other like the old days with nothing in the world to care about. 

Well, it's safe to say that the reason I am so overly excited for Nik and Marissa to get married is for one, so that they can jump on board with Chelly and I, but also, I have no anxiety about them getting married, because I have been there and done that. This is great change. And I do find it a blessing that the four of us some how, some way, managed to get married within almost of year, which makes it easy on all of us. But now that we are all married or soon to be married, we are basking in the stage of life where our husbands jobs determine our lifestyle and location and we can't live in Provo for the rest of our lives, just down the street from one another. Instead, Nik and Jordan are leaving New York for San Francisco, which is a bonus for me because she'll be closer. But the news I have been dreading to hear, called me over the phone last night and Chelsea and Jake are joining Nik in San Francisco as well, in two weeks. And that's when my heart stop. I guess this is good for Nik, because Maris and I can't keep all of the goods t ourselves. But I didn't think this moment would come so soon. And once again, it's me and Maris. The last ones standing. Funny how life plays out. 

But that's life, and growing up is hard to do. I just need to buck up and move on with it. Make the best of my situations and know that location won't change my relationships with these girls. If anything, I'll be more grateful for them because I won't see them day to day like I use to. And now, girl trips will be even more fun and eventful. Maris and I are just going to make the best of Utah for the time being. And that is that. Though the Jones' won't be down the street from us anymore, we'll still have a feel good time in the town where we began. 

So here's to change, sisterhood, and life. And may it be ever good to you. And may I conquer the change and look for the good in every experience. 

Congrats to Jake and Chelly for their big career success and may you guys not party as hard without me. 

Life is good.


Marissa Hicken said...

feel good time 4 L. LOVE YOU V YOU!! so grateful that school is keeping you here for longer time with me.

Nicole said...

This makes me cry! Ohh how lucky we are to have each other. So blessed to have you girls in my life! Love you Rach!

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