Revenge Shall Be Mine.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008




Ladies & Gents.
Need not to worry anymore. I took care of my big smacker mouth and did as I said. You prob. question, "What are you referring to Rachel? Get to the point." Well, my point is- I found the big bad wolf. You know, the idiotic dorks who let a goose free into my kitchen? Oh I need to make a correction. Obviously, I don't study farm animals and neither do my roommates but Willy isn't a duck, he's a goose. And it makes much more sense to me now because I always questioned his red mouth and wondered where his yellow/orange beak was at. Don't feel bad for me.

Any hoo. A day after Willy entered our apartment- I was stunned to find my car, Ryder, in the parking garage covered and smothered with three boxes of oreos. The guys felt kind enough to be a little sweet and add some spring time oreos as not. Cute. Well I was ticked. My roommates and I cleaned up Ryder and stocked the used oreos back into their box for future reference. The next day, I had a date with my friend Maverick. He's a gas station, not to be confused with a real live man. I spent about 30 minutes cleaning Ryder and it really lit up my fumes. Knowing who the "funny" boys were, I decided to use my freedom of speech and give them a shot out. I warned them and said to never screw with me again. They just mocked me and claimed that I was all talk. And boys, I thank you for that lack of encouragement because it actually allowed me to want to knock you out even more!

I raced home and told my roommate Ashley about the whole fued and how war had been declared. We grabbed the used boxes of oreos, marched to their front door and stuck them all on it, smearing the precious spring colored icing all over the door knob. That didn't do justice. As we started to walk away I thought, "Wait, let's check and see if their door is unlocked." Check. Low and Behold, I find myself standing in their kitchen, "Yoo-hoo anybody home?" No response. I give one quick glance at Ashley and we both smirk- it's go time. We ran a marathon down the stairs and to the car- our run was a demonstration of how out of shape we both were. We booked it to Macy's Grocery Store and stocked up on their latest specialty- Raw Baby Octopus! mmm mmm tasty! We booked it back to their apartment and stormed in their like mad women. In case of a run-in, I locked myself in their bathroom and began the dirty work. Nobody messes with Rachel freaking Robbins. I filled up the bathtub and grabbed a knife to open the package. Since the boys allowed an ALIVE animal to enter into our apartment, I thought I'd be somewhat kind and allow a DEAD animal into their apartment. I sliced open the package, gagging and breathing for air as I plopped 8 baby octopus' into the large tub of water! These suckers were about the size of your fist! "Hey fishy fishy!" I closed the shower curtain and gave myself a pat on the back. "A job well done." Before I left I had to treat them to some dessert- I located all of their toothbrushes and scrubbed a little soap on those brissels. You see, I just discovered a cavity in my mouth and I want to make sure their teeth are extra clean. Im only looking out for my boys.

And that's it. The war has begun and I am no longer this sweet little petunia.

1 comment:

Jake and Jenna said...

you should have re-arranged all of their furniture to different places around their apartment. it would have sucked to clean up. that can be next on your list. oh, and getting bags of skittles and m & m's are always fun to spread all over an apartment floor, especially if you get a lot of them. just some ideas for you pudge.

this might tickle your fancy

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