I just can't help but contemplate over the goodness of my family and how my Heavenly Father has really spoiled me with my parents, sisters, brother-in-laws, and my nieces and nephews and of course my Zekey. I wouldn't have it any other way and I feel like I owe the world everything because I am so lucky to have them. They bring such joy and emotion to me that the older I get, the more attached I am becoming. I long to be a kid again, and I live vicariously through my nieces and nephews.
We all had an overload of fun, manhandling that turkey that my mom fixed in the kitchen, pounding mouthfuls and mouthfuls of food, even days before Thanksgiving had actually arrived, ordering midnight pizzas, eating spoonfuls of gumbo and grits and fixin' my Great Grandma Duncan's homemade noodles that brings such happiness to my Dad and has become a tradition in our family from our folks from West Virginia to Florida. We played games resulting in throwing whipped cream pies in each others faces nearly wetting ourselves to family walks near the Chattahoochee River covered in a canopy of Georgia fall leaves.
I made my traditional stops to what I call my version of 'Tara' (from Gone With the Wind) where I love to sit in quiet and think about all of my blessings, where I come from and the joy I am filled with when I am reunited with my family in the South. It's a hard feeling to explain how home, just the term home impacts me. When I am home, I gain a sense of who I really am, I feel comfortable again, at ease, it's very hard to explain.
I had a hard time talking about moving to California while I was home, and I think it was because I was currently in the place where I knew I truly belonged at the moment and I didn't want to leave. But once I got back to Utah, and the winter snow storms came piling down, and I was back in my routine of things, I felt excited for our move and for the adventures we are about to embark. But when I am home, it's tuff to pull me away from it. Days before my departure I am already dreading it and filled with anxiety and I have to mentally prep myself to get a grip and to not cry this time. Do not cry this time. I improved this trip as my parents dropped Zeke and I off at the airport. I didn't cry when I hugged my parents goodbye, but I was dying inside and fighting really hard. With all of the commotion in the airport, I was distracted, but once I was up in the air flying, and Zeke was asleep, I put down my table and rested my head and I cried, and I just wanted to turn around and go home - with Zeke of course. I must take him everywhere I go, but I wanted to just go home with him.
These are just minor things in my life that tug on my heart strings, and as much as I long to go home, sometimes I feel like it's easier to never arrive because that way I'll know I'll never have to say goodbye. I truly hope I can make it back home in the future. I truly hope I can live near my parents and sisters and raise my kids in the South where I was raised. A southern magazine I love called, "Garden & Gun" August & September's issue had an article about southern women and one girl stated,
"I want my children to know they belong to something bigger than themselves. That they are unique, but they are not alone. That there is continuity where they come from. Comfort too. That there are rules worth following and expectations worth trying to meet, even if you fail. If nothing else, I want them to know how to make biscuits. And to not feel bad about eating a whole heaping plate of them.
Because before I know it, my girls will be grown. And they will be Southern women too. And that, I believe will have made all the difference." - Allison Glock
Allison states it better than I ever could, but her words are so profound and describe exactly how I feel. But you know, heaven forbid, if this doesn't play out in life, as hard as it will be it's the Lord's will. But I honestly can't help but think of any other way of life for me. And that is my selfish and wishful thinking. - Just bring me home.
Truth be told, I am thrilled to go to California. Zeke and I are young and long for an adventure, a place where we fit in before we bring children into the mix. A place where there is so much to see and do, where the night life is young and goes deep into the hours of the night. So to complain, would be ugly of me. I know that I am blessed and the years ahead of me will be fulfilling. I guess, with Thanksgiving and always coming home to the South and being with my family brings me back to thinking of the future future, when Zeke and I start having a family of our own, and that is how I envision settling down and raising our kids... So I need to get my ants out of pants and enjoy the adventure I am living now and be grateful for the capability of even being able to take a plane home every once in awhile. Now, that in and of itself, is pretty awesome.
I hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful and you were able to spend it with the people you love and cherish. I sure did, and I am so very grateful. Happy Friday and may your weekend keep you safe and warm!