Bike Rides Don't Fly With Me.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Wow. I was just about to tell you my awesome bike riding story that luckily had to occur to me last night. Before I started typing I just realized that EVERY single time I ride a bike- something bad happens to me. Maybe I should get the clue that I shouldn't ride bikes anymore and I should ask for a cruiser for my birthday. suck. i just want to look cool on a bike and feel like a hippi. my cousin and I are wanna be indie children. I could never pull it off- i tell her she can, but she just thinks im being nice because i love her. that too. any hoo- i have three stories, bike stories and I am now going to share them with you, so feel my pain, and pray for my soul.

1. story numba one.
date: summer of 2007 place: columns drive, georgia. population: a butt load of individuals. awesome.
picture of proof.

The story. Ther shorter version. So my friends jordan and amanda and i decide to go on a bike ride on beautiful day on this nature trail on columns drive. it's one of the most populated trails near my home. i think. well after our glorious ride, we found ourselves smack in the beginning where all of the bikers, runners and whoever roam- jordan and amanda are ahead of me. little do i know that throughout the bike ride, both laces on each shoe slowly wrapped themselves around both pedals of my bike. I don't realize this is happening until I try to stop my bike by landing my feet on the ground. failing to do so, I now slowly fall to the side, still connected to my pedals screaming, "whooaa whooaa." whoa, where are my friends to help me? ah yes, there they are... running, for their lives, for their ego's unable to bear the embarrassment of the poor friend tied to her own bike and slammed on the ground by her own bike. shoot me. why was no one helping me? everyone just starred at me! And these idiotic middle school girls are right by my side with their mouths sprawled open like nobodys business. so what do i say to cut the awkward tension? "note to self, don't ever wear tennis shoes with long laces for the love of all bikers..." they didn't laugh, they didn't move, they didn't blink. where is the gun? why have i not been shot yet? take me from my misery. now. now. now. i will forever hold a grudge against jordan and amanda and i will forever be paranoid when i set my feet on pedals.

2. story numba two.
date: summer of 2007 place: provo, ut. population: not many besides some fine young fellas
picture of proof.

Okay, so this story really has no significance BUT it's a sign that i shouldn't ever ride bikes. My roommate at the time, Brittany, wanted to ride some bikes. She of course had this cute pink Cruiser (I prefer a banana yellow or some type of igunana green..) and I stole one, no i didn't, I borrowed one from the bike racks at king henry. It was ancient looking and so I figured no one will care. Well because of my horrible deed that I proceeded to go forward with... the tires had no air in it and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why it was so hard to ride. That's when we made it to the park where the flock of fine young fellas were roaming and I fell over due to loss of air in both body and tires. I was so embarrassed and so angry. Heavenly Father I think is silly sometimes and he definately had to of find humor in his joke- you steal, you deal with no air. I learned to never steal. Luckily, I got to ride the cruiser home. and i got no boys numbers- just their pathetic glares.

3. Story Numba Three.
date: April 19, 2008 place: the whole freaking grid system of provo. population: byu students galore, homeless perverts
Picture of proof: The main one.
Now this story might get me worked up. I am still in the cooling down process. This Friday night was beautiful weather. It will be my last Friday with my friends in provo and there wasn't much to do. Sad. We are just so wild that we have done it all. So we thought, let's ride bikes! We asked our friends if we could use theirs. They said yes and showed us the way to their bikes purchased from Deseret Industries. With little air in the tires we decided to keep on keeping on. Bill called shot gun on his own bike where as I got stuck having to ride of the pegs of seths bike. Pro. of this situation: I never got tired, I just enjoyed the ride and the wind blowing in my air as my slave Seth took me to and fro p-town. Con. of this situation: proceed reading you you'll understand.

We left the dorms and heading our way around town. We rode our bikes EVERYWHERE! We stopped at certain places to rememeber some memories of ours and then headed for KIng Henry, Seven Peaks and Center Street. To those of you who aren't familiar with provo, those places that I just listed are on the complete opposite side of where we started our journey- Helaman Halls. We were winded, and contemplating a friend to come and pick us up. Seth switched bikes and jumped on the pegs of Bills bike for a breather. I finally got my own bike and was having a thrill riding it... we ended up taking the ghetto back roads of provo where the streets are all numbered 500 N 200 S- you know, crap like that. I can figure out where I am with the grid system, I think it's all a joke and it doesn't work. There are no street lights, there is no one insight and all the while, I think Bill and Seth are with me. Negative ghost rider! I turn my head to find that they played a nasty joke on me and went down a different road. I called their names in panic and no one answered. I start riding. Oh glorious, I have no phone on me, I have nothing but my camera. I start riding faster. My legs are uncontrolable. I can't stop. I'm not allowed to stop. Oh dear gosh, I am going to get raped. I am going to get killed and be thrown in a dumpster. Where the "h" am I? I prob. road on that dang bike for 40 minutes before I found my beloved landmark- TACO FREAKING BELL! Oh for the love pedal faster, faster, faster! I was all alone, lost, crying, cringing my teeth at the thought of seth and bill and planning on how i was going to kill them. I finally made it to my lovely abode. I have never loved Alpine as much as I did right then and there . Lucky me, there was a party going on and I had to walk through it, I hoped off my bike, focused my eyes on the ground (If i can't see them, then they can't see me, right?) Oh crap- my legs are numb! They are jello! I look drunk. I am wet, my hair looks like crazy Al's my makeup is running due to sweat. I can't walk straight. I am a mess! I go storming into my house, throw that idiotic bike on the ground and i say to my roommate, call bill- tell him to come to my apartment and we'll talk then. My roommates boyfriend was horrified. I was pretty scary. I get like that when I am livid. I lay on my bed, and I wait and wait for their arrival. What on earth shall I do to them? Well- they weren't man enough to handle my attitude so they ran in grabbed the bike and hauld a- not so fast, I chased after them... seth got away but i attacked bill with my claws and screamed at him. I asked to not talk to me for awhile until I calm down. He said nothing but shook his head with his beady eyes. and that's it. for once in my life, i had gained power over my men and I set them straight. you best believe i slept so good that night and i will never for the life of me ride a bike again, unless i ride it with caution- helmet, knee pads and elbow pads.

pictures before the show down. this was when we were friends.

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