rats. rats. rats. rats.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


 I had a bad day today. I didn't cry, but I may have yelled a little bit, out loud, by myself, with no one home. I need a break from painting. I think I've reached the point where I just need to chill out. I'm wasted from abstracts and I'm finding that I'm trying too hard. Abstracts are fun, they are beautiful and lovely and la-te-da but I am ready to admit, it's not my forte.

Sure, I paint them, I sell them (like one a year... if I'm lucky) and sometimes I'm really proud of them because I didn't know I could do that. But a lot of days, I have so many color palettes ready to go, with so many butterflies in my stomach and I get going on it and the next thing I know I want to punch a hole in the canvas with my fist because it looks so amateur. It looks nothing like what I had envisioned, it looks nothing like what I know I can do - even kids who don't try at all create beautiful abstracts and theirs looks better than mine! For crying out loud, I just need to give it a rest. I was so freaking excited to paint this one abstract today and by the end of the hour I found myself pouring all of my medium all over the canvas because I was so ticked. And then, I was even more ticked when I realized that I had just poisoned my whole house with such a chemical odor that I had to fan it out with every window and door open while its 100 and something degrees outside. All because I lost my cool...

At least I didn't cut my ear off like Van Gogh... although sometimes I can't say I blame him. My point is, abstracts are great - I'd buy a million of em' from artists who I admire and love because that is their expertise. As for me, my one true love is painting people, portraits and fashion editorials. And I know, I can't sell those due to copyright issues, and I know it's looked down upon in school because it's considered cheating or whatever the crap they feed to me. But it's the one thing I kind of amaze myself at and I think it's okay for me to pat myself on the back for, or talk myself up about because I'm hard on myself when it comes to a lot of other things, but this- this I know I can do. And this, I know I love to challenge myself with. And this I know I always fall in love with the outcome. And I know that I've got one professor at school who could give a rats "A" if I painted from photos...

So without further adieu I am no longer taking commissioned paintings for the summer and (not that anyone was really asking me to do anything, but I had a few). I have worn myself out and I'm a hot mess and I need to get giddy to paint again for my last semester of school because that's what counts. I've collaborating some scary but exciting ideas for a portrait series in my head. I am debating if I could do it, if I have the guts to do it and if I won't want to cry by the end of the semester for doing it. So here goes nothing.

I spent hours hiding under the blankets gathering photos on my phone to not wake up the Zoo last night in bed, but my mind was racing! I have a love for traditional portraits. Portraits you see of very important or historical people. Portraits that are rich in dark colors, serious, and almost haunting in a way that its so beautiful. They are the portraits you see in the historic plantations of portraits of our founding fathers of our nation - you know what I mean. The only issue is, that's a lot to live up too and I'm afraid I'd get bored working with such a dark palette. But I want that feel. And I want them to make an impact. I want people to look at these portraits and stare so far deep into them that they wonder who these people are, what they are about, where they came from and so on so forth. I want to make a statement of their beauty. So, I've gathered together some of my favorite photos of fashion editorials from various Vogue magazines from the 50's. With faint backgrounds, rich color, glamour and the Palm Beach vibe, these woman of the 50's will become my muses and I'm straight scared. It's going to be a challenge but I'm ready and willing and really excited!

So on to better days, and I'll bask in what's left of summer and take advantage of that summer vacation. Stress free from my brushes and canvas.

3 comments:

Mickelle McCrory said...

i love seeing all your paintings and i think you are a fabulous artist from what i've seen! Excited to see how your next projects turn out!

My name is Lydia said...

whatever you paint, i'm sure it will be AHMAZING!

Lindsay said...

I have done that exact thing with trying to paint abstracts. They are so much harder than they look! your ideas for portraits sound awesome. Go for it! I could see you incorporating pretty prints/patterns in them for added pizazz, as a table cloth or back drop? Also, when I get sick of trying to do my own original paintings, it helps to just copy a favorite master (usually Matisse!). You learn new things along the way.

this might tickle your fancy

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